I am a sex addict and my wife (or husband) does not know

I am a sex addict. And my spouse does not know! This is not a fun place, but you recognize a problem and by coming to our website you have demonstrated a deep desire to restore true intimacy in your marriage. This is a good thing!

I am a sex addict ... how do I tell her?It is recommended that you meet with your pastor, or other same-sex trusted church leader, and confess what you are battling. It is never recommended for men to meet with women in leadership, or vice versa … this can open a door to temptation. If you are not part of a church, choose a trusted friend of the same sex (preferably married).

Explain that your wife (or husband) does not know what is going on with you and ask for help.

Your trusted church leader or friend can help you find a support group and/or accountability partner to hold you to your commitment to seek help. That trusted resource can also help with the other preparations for a meeting with your spouse where you can safely confess your battle with sexual integrity. That preparation for full disclosure needs to be carefully done following such guidelines as those available from Dr. Mark Laaser. The disclosure itself should be done in the presence of a counselor, and NOT include graphic details of the inappropriate behaviors involved. Be prepared for your spouse to feel hurt, and very probably angry.

This is a good time to share your plan of recovery with a local support group, and point out that there is a support group and/or resources available for your spouse as well. If there are no local support groups available, telephone support groups may be an available alternative.

Your pastor, church leader, or trusted friend is now your accountability partner … the person who will hold you to your word that you will seek help. Their spouse should immediately begin reaching out to your spouse to support them.