Sharing your story (available anonymously) is a great way to express your feelings and possibly relieve tension knowing that someone will read it and know.
Stories about addiction, recovery, and continued relationship with God help others know that they are not alone in their addiction, encourages many, and shares ideas.
Sex Addict Stories by:
I never thought I would be one who writes about my life for people to read. But after the last 9 months, I couldn’t be happier to share my story. In hope that you will find, in part, that there are women out there who have gone through similar, if not worse than where are you right now. I know this because I am in a Christian Support group for spouses, i.e., L.I.F.E. group. Without the support of the ministries, my life would continue to repeat in a spiral downward over and over again. I have heard many stories and have witnessed so many women’s pain, including my own wound throughout my life. I am not writing this to gain sympathy but to share my own experience that through the most difficult and painful part of my marriage, it actually was the best gift that I ever received from anyone, my loving God.
Nine months ago when I discovered my husband’s sexual addiction. I was living the life that most of my friends and family wished they had; having the best husband that any woman would want. My husband was the nicest husband, so I thought. Ever since the day we met even until now he would prepare and bring breakfast to me in my bed, fill my car with gas so I don’t have to, drive me when I want to go out with my girlfriends to have lunch or dinner so I won’t be driving after drinking, and would help my family financially at whatever they needed. He never complained about anything. He gained so much love from my entire family and friends including my adult daughter who loves him so dearly. I thought I was the luckiest woman to and didn’t need anyone or anything more in my life. Church was non-existent in our lives because everything was good for us. How can this go wrong? My entire life turned upside down in one split second when I found that he was a sex addict and had been cheated on me and lying to me for the past 13 years. In fact, he lied about his life for the past thirty five years to all who knows him, including his loving parent. How could this happen? I felt like I was run over by a truck. My heart was torn into pieces and I still remember the pain, sadness, hopelessness I when the whole situation exploded. All I did was lay in my bed and cried. I had no energy nor want to deal with work or families. I wanted to be in isolation and not being bothered by anything else. I went through emotional roller-coaster between pain, anger and numbness. I lost control of my life and did not even care what tomorrow will be like. After repeated failed marriages for the third time, I wanted to die so I didn’t have to feel the pain, disappointment and embarrassment.
Nine months ago my husband and I switched our cars as I was going to pick up some plants for our house and I needed his truck. To my horror, I found an unfamiliar cell phone that I later learned it belonged to my husband despite his attempt to cover up with lies that he found it in a parking lot. He used the cell phone to call several massage parlors and his lover for years; and from that moment on our lives were never the same. I was dumbfounded how could this sweet and shy person who knew about the abuse I went through since my teenage years through previous alcoholic abusive and cheating husbands do this to me. He knew my past and made many comments about men who cheated on their wives as a boss and some of our personal friends. To my surprise, my husband, the shy and quiet man I adore turns out to be a long time sex addict. As with many of you who had gone through or are going through what we refer to as the “9/11”, it was the day you wish it wouldn’t happen to any woman. I felt like I lost everything and want out of this mess as soon as possible. All I can think about is to expose him exposing him to the world. I wanted revenge to all the women who he came in contact and I would stay up at night devising plans how I would do it. My husband was so broken from what he had done, and was willing to do everything to get help and pleaded with me not to leave him and give him a second chance. He confessed to me that he has a problem since his teenager years and didn’t know how to stop. He immediately got on the phone to make appointment for us to see a counselor and since then our lives has forever changed.
We joined the L.I.F.E. group about five days after our “9/11”. I remember walking in a small group of women and after our introduction; I just sat there and cried. I can’t express enough gratitude to those wonderful ladies who were there for me, and those who continue to be in our support group every week. Not only I was not a Christian woman, I didn’t concede that I had a problem. I thought this group wasn’t for me. I wasn’t the one cheating, why do I need this, its all my husband fault and there was nothing wrong with me. I told myself in the beginning that I needed to find another support group who gets me. Nine months later, not only I was baptized by Johna H., our counselor who has turned our lives around to where we are today, I also found myself focusing on living to glorify God instead of my husband. We attend church weekly, we both continue our journey of recovering one day at a time, and we live our lives being truthful and honest to one another. We have found many new friends from the group and today my life is overflowing with joy that the Lord has brought to me. I learn one important lesson that what God has done for me by putting me through these difficult circumstances in my entire life was the best gift he gave me. At the time, none of these events seems like a gift from God, it feels more like punishments. For some reason rather than focusing on my pain and anger, I now focus on how my life is so spiritually rich and I can always trust God. I did not even knowing God until that “9/11” day where the sanctification of my life began. I truly believe that God causes all things to work together and he is standing there at the end awaits me to grab on to the victory he has for me at the end.
If you are reading this searching for answers to your own circumstances, please know that you’re among one of the many women out there. You don’t have to walk this journey alone. In fact, you or your husband cannot walk this journey alone. No one is judged as all of us have gone through similar circumstances. Who can better offer love and comfort than those who have gone before you and some of us continue to go through difficult circumstances? I hope and pray that you find a support group so your healing journey can begin.
wife of a sex addict