Stories of Addiction Recovery

Sharing your story (available anonymously) is a great way to express your feelings and possibly relieve tension knowing that someone will read it and know.

Stories about addiction, recovery, and continued relationship with God help others know that they are not alone in their addiction, encourages many, and shares ideas.

Sex Addict Stories by:

> Men

> Spouses of addicts

> Women

> Young Men

> Young Woman

Massive Pain I Caused

by Dave W.

I was about 15 years into my first marriage when I became sexually addicted.  Just as no one says to himself/herself "I am going to take cocaine", or "I am going to drink until I almost die", no one says "I am going to cheat on my wife and risk divorce.  This certainly was true of me too.

It started with little stuff and then became serious.  My sexual addiction reaped major pain on 3 members of my family and destroyed relationships with all of them.

We lived in a major city until 1989.  At that point in time, my first wife somewhat gave me an ultimatum.  She was from a rural area of the state and wanted to go back to living in a rural area.  She said that we either could move further out of the city to a rural  (or at least more rural) area or we could buy our retirement home and move there with the hope that I could get a job in that area.  We happened to find a house in the central part of the state (about 140 miles from work).  I found a room in another suburb of the city and lived there during the week.  I commuted on weekends to my home 140 miles away. 

In 1992, I started frequenting a strip bar in the city where I worked.  I became friends with 2 different strippers there buying them champagne each time I came in.  I did this for awhile until I realized that this was not "fulfilling."  Next, I started going to peep shows.  These were above a bar or some sort of business about 2 blocks from the strip bar to which I had been going.  It seemed more personal than the strip bar and it seemed to fulfill me for a while.  This too would get old .  I started looking for something more and I would find it.

Because I worked on the campus of the major university in that city, I had access to a lot of underground newspapers.  One day as I read the ads in this paper, I noticed a heading which seemed to appeal to me.  It gave a phone number and a name.  I called up and proceeded to make an appointment.  After the appointment, I felt "fulfilled" and thought I was a man.  Initially, I started doing this on a once a week basis.  Just like a drug addiction, I started realizing I needed it more often.  Soon I was doing it 3 times a week some weeks.  After the "fulfillment " of the first one and a few after that, I started feeling guilty, dirty, and like the scum of the earth.  Those feelings would wear off in a few days and I would long for a massage again.  I would go for a massage and those same feelings would overtake me after I was done.  Usually, when I went home on weekends, I would be thinking of the female friends I had in the city and I looked forward to being with them.  Because I had 2 children, I hated the responsibility of taking care of them.  Besides this I also started frequenting this bar which had the appearances of soliciting prostitution.  I would go into this establishment, talk to the young woman who offered to help me, look and leave.  I would do this probably 3 or 4 times a week.   

These events went on for about a year.  Finally in October 1993, my world came crashing down.  I went into this suspected house of prostitution one afternoon for a few minutes.  When I came out to the back parking lot, I noticed a City Police car parked in the next parking lot across the alley.  An officer was in the car.  I left hoping that all would be okay.  It wasn't. 

That Friday after getting home from the 140 mile trip, a letter came in our mailbox.  My wife opened the letter and was shocked.  The letter was from the city police saying they suspected me of being involved in prostitution because they had seen me come out of this establishment.  My wife then questioned me about it.  I told her that I was not, but I did tell her about the massages I had been receiving.  She then told me that I could no longer stay there on weekends.  She told me I had to take a hotel.  Within a few days, she had started divorce proceedings.  There was one thing she told me which I will never forget, "You could have just dropped a large boulder on me.  That would have caused the same hurt which I feel now."  A little over a year later, I moved to a warmer climate.

I have been cured for 17 years now.  God did an awesome work.  I hate what I did, but I cannot take it back.  My daughter was angry with me until about 2001 when my 3rd wife helped to get that relationship restored.  My son sided with me for a long time thinking I could do no wrong.  In about 2006 that relationship soured as he would not talk to me and pretty well ignored me when we did see each other.  I pray for both kids everyday, but for my son that God will soften his heart towards me and his mom.  He only talks to her when he needs something from her, according to her. 

I have a great marriage and a great life now.  God helped me to see the evil that I was involved in and He got me to hate it.  I try doing what is right everyday.  I would never want to do anything that would hurt my 3rd wife.  We are still in love even after 10 years of marriage.